If you have to ask your husband every time to unload the dishwasher, check if the kids have homework, pick up stuff after him and generally manage everything in the home because he seems blind to all that, living his life like a teenager in the house... it leads to exhaustion, frustration, and the worst part: lack of connection and intimacy.   You feel you always have to push, he feels blamed and he shuts down. You both feel it's not fair. If he spends a lot of time on his phone, on the toilet, he is distant, irritated or disengaged and you are left with a lot on your shoulders, hopeless,  there is something you can do about it to change his behavior over time.  It is like nothing you have tried until now and it works! You only need to be open to a new perspective and try a new way of communicating. Yes, it's that simple.